oh, cause you won't listen

Saturday, June 24, 2006

♥ Saturday, June 24, 2006

so much for depression.
actually, my blog isnt my diary at all. there are just too many things which i cant write here. i think there are more things that i tell fransis or mon than what i write in here. because people can read this. and teachers can check on this. where is my privacy, i ask you.
but whatever. no matter how long i rant, no ones gonna consider my words. because theyre just gonna say, thats how life is. i wanna start with simmys topics again!! aha ((:
fransis just agreed to start on a novel with me yay. so she's gonna create one character, and i am going to make one up too, and then we can start. but i think chic lit will be better to write, because i find that when i write my diary the writing style is similar to megcabot. i dontknow i feel spastic.
but anyway. english deteriorated. redredredredred.
bahh, okay i am lazy to write. lets try if i can get chapter one written by today. oh i am working on one with fransis and another with myself aha.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

♥ Thursday, June 22, 2006

oh, my god.
well anyway. my birthday yesterday. not very joyous. my family did a rather good job for celebrating anyway so thank em whee.
not many people remembered my birthday.

FAMILY
mon
fran
lucy
kev
als
ben
yieqin
anqi
edmund (actually not really)
sarah (not really haha)
april (not really)

so you see, i am really actually pathetic. but whatever.
being 13 doesnt feel so different as yesterday, you know. im still the same old person who is terribly imperfect in every way. still the same person with the same height and the same face. whatever it is thats happening it must be happening inside because i dont see any change on the outside.
but whatever. guitar concert instructions are super complicated. am going to understand them.

ignore this.

Monday, June 19, 2006

♥ Monday, June 19, 2006

i abandoned you. im sorry.
well im feeling down but i just wanna write about the good things in june hols before i start on the 32hr plane/transits to home.
sigh. its so sad that you dont get to spend your holidays with your friends. so i did a lot of travelling and seeing the world and all that. actually i dont even wanna talk about my holiday trip.

singapore
tokyo(transit)
san francisco
las vegas
laughlin
aneheim (los angeles)
vancouver
ketchikan(by cruise)
juneau(by cruise)
skagway(by cruise)
glacier bay (by cruise)
college fjord ( by cruise)
anchorage
los angeles (transit)
tokyo narita (transit)
singapore

would you just spare 7 seconds to browse through all of that. all the places i covered in 3 torturing weeks without my cellphone. i am tired, okay, and stop scolding me off for the things i dont do, because i am getting pissed.
its not my fault that backbone problems are hereditary. neither is it my mom's
its not my fault that u dont understand what the doctor said about my back, cos i told you alr.
its not my fault that i get restless after 21 days of travelling.
its not my fault that i didnt bring the videocamera with me since it isnt with me.
and it isnt my fault that you cant come with me on this trip.
so just dont talk to me about all that stuff.
okay.
its not as if im enjoying myself so much on this trip til i forgot to call you, or something.

day one. i eat chicken. you make me eat fish.
day two. i eat fish. you make me eat beef
day three. i eat beef. you make me eat chicken.
day four. i eat chicken. you make me eat fish.
day five. i eat fish. you make me eat chicken
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU MAN?

just get away from me.

oh yeah.
my best friend is not in singapore.
my second best friend is not in the same school
my third best friend is not in singapore.
my fourth best friend isnt in the same class

chem task
math task
chi task
eng n lit task
this hw
that hw
concert practice
service learning
class tee
richard idol
back check up
interim report
hostel unpacking +paperwork

just get away from me. leave me alone.
she told me
that when i get into this sch its gonna be stressful
its gonna be hard
its gonna be tough
i told her i could handle it
i thought i could
but so it turned out
ive accomplished nothing.
nothing at all
not even the basic happiness that i should get.
not even the sympathy of an ant seeing sunrise tmrw.

you say thats how life is. now you tell me how life is.
you dont get school problems.
you dont get boarding school problems
you dont get family problems.
you dont get personal problems.
you dont get health problems.
you dont get any problems at all.
you only have schoolwork to battle.

what does being strong mean? its being joan chan shu fang. its to give to others when they need it most even though you need it.

i have no mood.
i tell myself
its gonna be ok
i can handle this
i dont need any help
i can do this alone.

you say
oh yeah?
will u just be rational and get help?

i say
oh yeah? tell me who's gonna help me?
cant answer that can you?

get lost.
ignore this post.
i love you. a lot.