All right. My last round of tributes, but not the least. This time for friends who've been around all the time who I never got the chance to thank.

Lil' Sis aka Franneh (LOL)
YOU. LIGHT UP MY LIFE. (lyrics from that whatever song)
Ah, what can I say? Someone who's never put me down, someone's who's always understood me, and someone who's always there when I need her. (Online, that is.) Someone who never fails to make me laugh hysterically with her jokes and her adorable sense of humour, and the only person (okay, besides Mon) who I can talk to about anything at all.
So much trust, that we can talk about anything. Maybe it's this trust which has kept us going so far. And I hope that you trust me as much as I do. Because all that we need with each other is trust to stick together, no matter what happens. Because we're so alike.
I don't remember the exact day we started talking, and I don't remember how we got together. But all that doesn't matter anymore, now that we've come this far. From mere acquaintances to friends to good friends to best friends to sisters; I don't know how I would have survived out there without you. Without you always there behind me.
And I know that when I'm tired to fight on all I need to do is tell you, and you will, without hesitation try whatever you can to cheer me up, to ignite the same spirit I had before, to lift me up again. To tell me that things will be okay.
Through all my oversensitivity, my doubts, my fears and my wall of defense; you have broken through. Every single obstacle, one by one, you broke down and ran away to hide inside my safety deposit box. Where you know that I will never take you out even if you asked me to.
You remind me of me. Younger, more innocent, more - adorable. Funnier. Cheery-er. I guess, we will never change (except for the younger part, for me at least).
So in the journey ahead through the next, most important stage of your life perhaps; teenage. I want you to know that whatever happens, and whenever you need me at any time at all; I'll always come. Whatever the weather, rain or shine (or cloudy or sunny or gloomy or drizzly or just fine), I'll always come whenever you call me. I promise you. I'll put down every single piece of work whenever you need me to tell you that things will be okay, for a change. Whenever you need me to say okay.
And if anyone dares to lay a finger on my little sister, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY(Money, that is). No, really. I WILL MAKE YOU PAY(and not money, that is)
Oh, and guys? Never underestimate a girl. She gets everything she wants. She's never gonna stop.

Biggie aka Mon (RAHAHA)
YOU. ARE MY SUNSHINE. (my only sunshine)
You make me happy, when skies are grey. That's what you do, most of the time. You turn me from a depressed old dying woman into the bubbly thirteen year old my body once knew, my mind once knew, the same girl you knew once upon a time.
You take yourself off the mind of a humongous(no, I didn't mean to comment on your tum) twenty six year old, and put her into my shoes( and I did not, I swear, mean to comment on your obsession with shoes). Into me, to understand how I'm feeling.
You understand the meaning of every single sentence I meant to tell you, you empathise with me for every single dilemma that I come across, and you give me advice. You give me advice that came with experience, and you taught me the way to live a woman's life. You taught me how it felt like to be myself and no one else because that's all that matters.
And I have never thought at any point of time, or found out that in any incident that your advice doesn't falter. To stand brave for myself, to stand tall for myself, and to stand strong, for myself and not for others. You told me the way of life.
And you're right. Apart from the occasional incidents we never fight. Perhaps, being alike is something that keeps the two of us together. And being alike is something that can break us apart. I know you only too well, dear, that we are both headstrong. But differences. Differences pull us closer together than similarities. Because we are special.
And hush, dearie.
One day, I'll bring you upon the moon. To repay for what you've done for me.
Because you can talk to the stars as if they're me. Because I'll always be there listening.
One day, Biggie. One day. I promise.
You never know, dear, how much I love you.

That's all for today. I'm sleepy.
Next post will be about;
Lil' Sis' Kor
Lil' Sis' Kor's Sis
Lil' Sis' Best friend's Biggie
That person

Adios amigos.

OH MY GOD I AM FUMING DON'T EVEN TRY TO TALK TO ME.

''MOM, JIEJIE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME! I TOLD HER I FELL DOWN AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME!''

Yeah, right. Please, ask yourself a few questions before you start all that whining and telling mom that well, I am a mean and bad and undeserving girl because 'i don't care about you'.

GROW - UP.

I can tolerate when you're lazy. I can tolerate when I have to scream at you to do homework, or bathe, or whatever. I can tolerate when you call me names. I can tolerate when you say that I've taken your chair (because you know what, dad was in mine) and so you go pull my hair and all that stuff about me being mean and all that words. But I can't tolerate when you make yourself sound like you're the most pathetic person on earth.

"MOM, JIEJIE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME!''

You know what, SHUT UP.
Don't even TRY to say that stupid line right when I am tired and cranky and you're finding something to yell at because you have NOTHING to yell at. I have been busy all day long doing constructive things like PACKING and MASSAGING MOM and what have you done?

'Oh, jie, watching disney channel and about how penny proud melted an army of PEANUT BUTTER SOLDIERS in THE PROUD FAMILY MOVIE, and also sitting right beside the medicated oil which you used to massage mom and refusing to get that for you when you were going to massage mom and i was playing my bonnie lies over the ocean on the piano.'

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU, JO.

'' I TOLD HER I FELL DOWN AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME''

Excuse me, but when did you fall? And when was the last time I fell? You know what, you just fell on the ground sometime ago with a 'backache and head pain' and I fell on the stairs not more than 2 weeks ago, sprained my ankle almost twice sometime ago, and I have backaches and headaches and muscle aches everyday. And did you ever care about me? You didn't? Well guess what you didn't! What right do you have to say that you are the most pathetic child in the whole wide world?

Because you aren't. And neither am I. Look at them, all the starving kids in Africa, all the people who don't even have food to eat or toilets to go to. And look at you complaining of not enough toys, not enough money, too small a house, dirty toilets or not eating what you want to. You've been blessed already with the best gift you could ever had. You have a life. You can breathe. What more do you want? Or what more do you want from me?

I've tried to be as tolerant as I can and I try not to get involved in your fights or anything. I don't come up with excuses to tell mom so that she starts scolding you. I don't, okay? And neither should you. But don't bring things too far. I've been fiery enough to start with, and don't you dare try to come up with anything else that's gonna make me lay a finger on your 'beautiful harmless hair'.

Because you know what, since you say I don't care when I do, then I'm not going to. NO, JO, I'M NOT GOING TO CARE ANYMORE. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER AND IM NOT GOING TO CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE.

Blame me for everything, go on. Cause I don't really mind, you've done so much I am near to immune of your hurtful doings.

''JIE JIE IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT. SHE NEVER LETS ME HAVE WHAT I WANT. SHE ALWAYS NOT GOOD ONE.''

SHUT UP. IF I HEAR THAT IN MY HEAD ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO FIND SOME WAY TO KILL MYSELF.

screw you.

Last night I dreamt I died, someone shot me and I went to heaven. And it was so peaceful, maybe if I have that dream tonight I'd prefer to stay there permanently.

I want my freedom back. You, get out of my troubles. I don't need no extra burden so shut your mouth and go away.

pissedpissedpissedpissedpissedpissedpissedpissedpissedpissed
SCREW YOU.

END. OF. EOYS. poof.

I can't believe it's happening! No more studying for the whole YEAR. Do you realise what that means?! Ive got more playtime. More funtime! More babysitting time. More free time!
But how I wish, simmy, that life in december can only be the air, the grass beneath me and nothing else. life is NOTHING like that.

see? ive got so many things still coming. bwahahaha. netball carnivals. drama nite. stuff. wahaha.
ohwell, clock's 1.47am, gotta run.

LOVE, me.



One year. 365 days has passed so fast. All in a flash, everything seems to replay like a tape, the year's been like a dream, perhaps especially for me. A year's brought me so much and cost me so much, that I can never regain what I lost and I can never lose what I've gained. Sometimes, blessings can come as curses, and curses can come as blessings. It's so hard to tell one from the other, so hard that sometimes I have to take both in my stride and let things go in the way they come.

So many incidents, so many people, so many emotions. If not for this year, I wouldn't have appreciated home, I wouldn't have understood depression, I wouldn't have understood the meaning of friendship. I wouldn't understand what freedom means, I wouldn't understand what responsibility means, and most importantly I wouldn't understand what love is, and all their restrictions and greatness.

So many things I've learnt, learnt to cherish, to love and to let go. Aside all rocks, volcanoes and farming, Tang and other things, I've learnt so many others that can never be tested. And because of this reason I find EOIs really, really, dumb.

Okay, I'm serious about EOI dumb thing.
I mean, come on. So what if I'm not good at chemistry. I don't have to understand diffusion to know love.
So. I'll talk about all my experiences later, because there's too much to write about. What I'm saying is, learn to appreciate. Appreciate life, appreciate love, appreciate all that is around you. We don't have much time left with the people around us who we will separate with because the year is ending.

The year is ending.

So much happens in a new year. And so much has happened in a year. Suddenly my to-do list piles up humongous tasks for me to accomplish, some I know that I won't achieve. But for now, my to-do list only consists of people whom I've known, and what I'm going to do for the people who's been around me all the while.

ONEOHFOUR TOTALLY
Ah. Freshman class. Unforgettable. From orientation to normal life to the end, there were many things we had to overcome. So much competition, and so much for love. Because love put us through tests, and love made us overcome napfa, overcome exams, and it will definitely overcome EOIs. Though we won't be in the same class next year, but what we'll never forget is that we once and will forever love one another, through eternity and to the end of time. All the best to you guys, and I will never forget you. I love you, one oh four.

TIENLI
Thank you for seeking help, because when you did you brought me help as well. You never know, but in you I saw myself, struggling to find that someone within me who drowned when the world came down on me. Thank you for being there to listen to my rants, thank you for knowing to appreciate. Thank you for being another hyper person who brought laughter to my life, and I want to tell you that you are appreciated, and you can always count on me for help. THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU TOO.

A402
Lucy, ChernTze, Kaini. All older than me but more childish okay no. We have a pet, a specific name when we order mac, a qian4qian2ban3, own insect orbituary,(John Mary Xiaoming whatsoever) our lame jokes, our 20 shampoo and soap bottles, our fastfinishing toilet paper, our xxjx theme song, our duckyporn and so many many things. Thank you for being my family for these past months, although I really don't say it or show it but I already treat you all like sisters. Thank you Judy Chan Ruixi, for your lame jokes and duckyporn and korean drama and other things that make the room all cranky. Thank you ChernTze, for chloe and ordering mac and your lame jokes and your die1 da3 pian4 as well. Thank you Kaini, for your seriousness and maturity and your human geography textbook. You guys never fail to help me when I need help, you guys never fail to make me laugh, and you guys never fail to laugh at my lameness. Thank you for so many things, and in you guys I find respect and laughter at the same time, and you play as the sisters whom I've long wished for. Although we're gonna separate real real soon but I want you guys to know that wherever anyone of us may be, we'll always stick as the room who has lame posters stuck outside our room to attract attention, different coloured balloons on our balcony to attract attention from the BS security guards as well, and we'll never be four different people living four different lives without one another. Thank you and I love you!

PRIVATE CONVERSATIONALISTS
Thank you, you guys. Thank you for all the crazy moments, thank you for all the laughter, thank you for all the silent support you've given me although you don't know it. The year's been so hard and I wouldn't have lived through without all the fun in school. Perhaps, a day out is the only thing I look forward to in school. Thank you bringing laughter into my darkest moments, thank you for teaching me how to be happy, and thank you for teaching me how to fight for certain things I hold close to me. Thank you for lighting up my life, thank you for replacing the love and concern my Mom had given me, much more than she is giving now, thank you for being there.
You guys gave me things that I can never repay, and I can't finish the list of thankyous to give you, because there's too much that you don't understand.
Thank you for being the private conversationalists, for being always there. We will always be together no matter where we are, and I will never regret knowing you guys. Next year is full of surprises, next year is full of uncertainty, but I know that next year will not be just another year, but another year of never forgetting each other, because we're inseparable, just like hundred acre wood, just like chocolates and just like the private conversationalists.
Thank you and I love you!

Shit now I have to go because it's 3am. I'll post some more when I can.

YO DUDES AND DUDETTES. Heh.

Oh, my God. My shoulders and back feel so ancient. I'm aching everywhere.

My point is, now Cherntze and Kaini are each watching! Drama serials on their computers! And they are tempting me and they are irritating! ): Especially Cherntze's XJXX THEME SONG. Oh my. I mean the irritating part and not the tempting part. Don't ever let her read this. Go away EOYs. SHOO. BOO NANNY NANNY POO POO ): I seriously can't stand school anymore, it's making me go bananas.

Talking about bananas. Yes. I lost my house keys and so last night I was talking to my mom and I'll give you an excerpt of the conversation. Why are excerpts ALWAYS lame?

.mom: people with evil thoughts might go to the house mah
me: mom look. one, the security guards will stop them. two, they dont know which unit it is. three, there are uncle cleaners on the corridors, REMEMBER? if they try to rob they shall KAPOW and POKE them with their MOPS.
mom : no, but at night it'll be quiet and the people with evil intentions might rob the house you know! it's so quiet.
mom: like the jungle.
mom: not even flies.
mom: not even mosquitos.
mom: not even mangoes.
mom: not even bananas.
me: MOM. what is with silence and bananas?!?!?!

So you see? Clearly my surroundings are getting lamer and lamer by the day with:
CHLOE THE SPIDER (it's still alive. seriously)
MY MOM AND DAD AND SILENCE AND BANANAS.(please. no)
THE SHEEP AND WHALE AND PENGUIN.(waddle, baa. BLOW YOUR BLOWHOLE)
THE MAHARAJA (bwaha)
THE BARREL OF JELLY (bwaha)
BULBY( the plant not the person)
BS SECURITY GUARDS.(one waved at me while i was on the phone at the balcony -.-)
PIZZA AND KFC AND MAC CUSTOMER SERVICES PERSONNEL(they cant stop introducing promotional items and asking you to order side dishes)
THE XJXX THEME SONG. (PLEASE. dont even try to imitate it)
LUCY'S ELEVEN JOHNNY DEPP PICTURES ON HER WALL ABOVE HER.(arranged 3-2-1-2-3)
MR TAN IM-NOT-CRYING-ITS-JUST-THE-SUN (RIGHT. last pe lesson. how traumatising)
DEMISE OF CLASS NETBALL AND HOUSE KEYS(oh where oh where did my babies go. oh where oh where can they be?)
OF COURSE MY LAMENESS. (YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, DOODS. mooooooo)

Ohwell. I'm going to sleep. Another day of work tomorrow.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(bye in cow language)

"The most pathetic thing in life is be pitied, and not loved, by the person you love; or is it forcing yourself to love someone you don't."

I know, I know. I've touched on this a lot of times. A lot, really. Love, love and love. Well sorry, but yesterday was the final episode of zhe gai si de ai! ): And they died of the cold. Of all the things they could die from they froze to death! But anyway, they were reunited still, in heaven.(:

Throughout the movie I've been depressed countless times. Every episode, every weekend, every Saturday night, 10.30 til 12.30 (of course, a great destresser is Full House right after Zhe gao si de ai, but Full House lasts til 3am but whatever) and everytime the love was betrayed, they all went into me, deeply. (Which greatly irritates my aunt because she just wants to skip and watch Full House instead)

Sometimes love is so great, it can make you forget everything else, and only want to be with the one and only true love. Perhaps so, love is selfish. I mean, I've talked about love in so many other definitions I can't think of any more.

But one claim I have to make is that although love is SELFISH and CHLOE is LOVED doesn't mean that YOU GUYS can be SELFISH and kill all the ants because you love CHLOE. Because the ants are loved too.

WAHAHAHA.

Randomly, for those who don't know who's Chloe. (yes lucy and cherntze stop laughing)
Chloe is our so-called pet of my room. Yes, and guess what KingPhilipCameOverForGrandma'sSoup he-it-is(KingdomPhyllumClassOrderFamilyGenusSpecies). Yes. It is a spider. They captured a SPIDER with a TUPPERWARE which had a pink cover and then they MARKERED the TUPPERWARE as CHLOE'S HOUSE. --.--

Oh, and they got the name Chloe from Ke-er in the previous nine oclock channel 55 hotel movie. RIght. Because they hated the spider and they hated Chloe. BUT WAIT. Now they've developed feelings for Chloe (the spider not the person) and so they should change the name. Okay ex-chloe, surrender your pink cover and we shall change your name.

Oh my God, I am so, so lame.

I shall stop talking in case I say something else lamer like Chloe getting a boy/girl friend or something like that.

Oh my God I don't even know whether Chloe's a girl or a guy.







All it takes, second part of chapter one! (:
___________________________________________________________________________

I waited for Ellyn to come before washing up. She was a great help around the house, fixing dinner, talking to Sarah, giving Ashley hugs. But the efforts of the both of us still couldn't make up for Tom. Sarah just sat there and stared into nothing in particular, and most of the time Ellyn had to give up any answer she wanted from Sarah altogether.

If it was getting any worse, it was dinner. Tom cooked, and he cooked well too. Dinner around the house was never bland or too salty with him around. Often he and Sarah would fix dinner and once landed in a food fight which resulted in two ghostly like figures covered in flour laughing in the kitchen. One night it was lasagna, the other it was spaghetti, and another it was Chinese food. He liked to try out new stuff and his talent in cooking seemed to follow him no matter which cuisine he came up with, because it was always delicious.

"You ready?" I asked Ellyn as she was doing some cleaning up of the kitchen. Her look told me she understood what I meant, too. Serving dinner alone would be a challenge, not mentioning getting them to eat some.

"Let's go," she said, after a sigh.

We walked together up to the dining table, where Sarah and Ashley were sitting. No one had any appetite, and I have to admit, not even I. Anyone with any decency left in her wouldn't have an appetite either. It was just too hard to deal with. While Ellyn was halfway laying the table, Sarah stood up. The three of us looked at her, and for a moment everything was silent, except for the police siren wailing under the shade of the lights by the road. The silence alone was deafening, and the noise just made it worse.

A series of events rushed through my mind. I wondered what she would do, or say. We must have stood there for a long while, until finally Sarah opened her mouth, probably for the first time in the day.

"Lasagna," She looked at me. "You're trying to replace him?" Now she shook her head. "No, you can't. No one ever can."

With that, she turned back towards her room. Ellyn and I looked at each other knowingly, and at the same time worried. Perhaps it was this chemistry between us, knowing what each other would do, that made her sit beside Ashley and offer her a warm long hug. Meanwhile, I would face Sarah, my sister, the one who had always taken care of me through all these years, the one who was always there for me whenever I thought I couldn't live alone. The one who gave me courage to live.

I approached her room, and as I did, I could hear her soft cries. The soft cries I heard when I was little, when I was immature, when I thought that I couldn't help. The same cries of despair and longing that took over her six years ago, which she had overcome. Now it was time for her to do it all over again. It was unfair, to her and to the spirit between the three of us.

I opened the door. This was it. I was surprised that it wasn't locked, but I took it as a reward. Uncertain, I took a step in. She was where I thought she would be; the balcony. Our rooms were structured so that I could see hers, and she could see mine. Even with only a part of the sliding glass door open, the wind that came in was strong enough to make me shiver. I couldn't imagine how cold it was out there, and Sarah without a jacket. Suddenly I thought of retreating, retreating out to the dining room, where Ellyn would be holding Ashley, where the lasagna would be half-eaten, where it was warm and cosy, unlike the harsh wind that blew at us sending chills down my body.

I didn't know what took over me, but my feet couldn't retreat. Instead, it took a step front, followed by another, and another, until I reached the glass door of that balcony, of Sarah's lonesome figure against the faint moonlight. I still couldn't believe the courage that overwhelmed me, but my hands did me proud, pushing open the door and then stepping outside. Now it was me and Sarah standing side by side, our two silhouettes cast on the moon, the stars twinkling down at us. She wasn't alone anymore; she had me. As I looked at her, that's when I realized how much she'd age since the last time I saw her under such light, six years ago. In those six years she'd aged, matured, and grown, into a loving sister, and a responsible young woman.

We stood in the silence for some time, the wind blowing at our faces. In those few moments my mind rushed back to the scene at the beach six years ago. The same sky, the same stars, the same wind, the same rustling of leaves, and the same moon. But now it was different, because the person who was strong then wasn't now, and the one who wasn't then was now.

Suddenly fireworks appeared from nowhere, and colourful streaks painted the night sky. They were beautiful, but I knew that she wouldn't see what I was seeing, the beauty of work, of life. As I looked at her I felt her loneliness. I saw her as the night sky, someone who was waiting quietly for something to light her up, to fill her, just as the fireworks lit up the dark night and filled up the emptiness of the space. But only if the feeling would stay, as the fireworks stopped, and the lone moon stood above all else, all traces of the fireworks, and the black sky was returned itself. After the fireworks, things had returned back to the way they were, six years ago.

"I'm sorry," I said, uncertain.

Presently she stood staring into nothing in particular, of maybe the glowing moon. "For what?"

"For trying to replace him," I paused. "I shouldn't have-"

Sarah shook her head, interrupting me. "No, it's fine."

"Let's get back in the house, Sarah," I prompted after a while. I was getting cold. "It's chilly out here."

"Do you think he's up there?" she asked, nodding at the stars.

I then realized what she was doing in the silence all the while. Though she wasn't crying outside, inside it was bleeding, hurting more than it ever could. In the dead silence she was pouring her heart out to the stars, to Tom, to the person who had taken her heart and replaced it with his, because she died when he did. The childishness in her still remained after all these years, inside she was a child once again, yearning to gain back her independence and freedom, her fantasy. The lost love that could never be replaced with any other, one that was unique and one of a kind.

"Yes, Sarah," I said, taking a deep breath. "He will be there, always, always, with you, in his heart, and you know it. He will always be there when you need him."

"Where is he now? I need him so badly," Now her tears flowed. I went over and gave her a hug, one of reassurance and love, of comfort and encouragement. I wanted to help her. I wanted to show her what life was like without Tom, what life could be even if Tom wasn't around. But she couldn't see them, just like she couldn't see the beauty of those fireworks, which still hung as clouds.

"You know that he will always love you, and he doesn't want to see you in this mess," I whispered, still caught in the hug we shared. "So you've got to be strong. For Tom, for you, for us. We'll always be with you, Sarah, wherever you are and whatever you do. But you've got to be strong yourself."

We stood there for a long time, and as we did I looked up to the night sky, where the stars seemed to shine as bright as they could, where the clouds hung, where the lone moon was still standing. But now the clouds of dust had disappeared, and the stars could be seen. The moon was not alone anymore, and it would never be, because the stars would follow it, wherever it went, always, forever, supporting our moon, our sister.

i’m jessica
but you can call me jem
210693
fifteen
rvian
rafflesian
sph
nygbs
rgge

loves Jesus,
jessica tan,
netball,
gilmore girls,
fridays,
english,
guitars,
blue,
jack johnson,
and her latest craze john mayer

rivervalley
jess . fran . krist . daniel . marilyn . nadia . joey . anqi . charis . xiaowei . lyn . walter . huixin . weilun . jiansheng . nic . mon . six'a ohfive. cherylgan.

bs&out
lucy . kaini . cherntze . zihui . sarah . jeanice one . jeanice two . jocelyn . claudia .

raffles06
pris . simmy . ellyn . tien . yufang . danetta . priya . qianyu . jenny . natalie . liting . cheryl ng . racheltan . wenyan . eunice . huizi . huanying . oneohfour'oh six .

raffles07
anqi . berenice . cherylkoh . cherylchan . eenette . ellie . jessica chan . jiaying . jovina . kathy . khaingzin . miranda . sylvia . wanshuen .

& CHATTER

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