Babe is in hospital. Allergy reaction to his medicine for the fungus. And me, I'm having a headache.

This is not supposed to be happening. Nothing that's happened is supposed to happen.

I don't want to talk about it.

1. "I think you have eyes can you see where the ball is going?!"
2. "Do you want to play the game or not?!"
3. "What kind of pass is that?! Do you want me to slap you?!"
4. "Did I teach you to throw into the defenders hands?!"
5. "Ni shi ge ben dan!" (Translation: "You are stupid!")
6. "Do you hate your opponent?! Do you hate your opponent?!!" (failed bit to rally confidence)
7. “Why are you smiling? You very happy is it?"
8. "When she is going to score, you push her over! You go for her legs! You kick her! You don’t stand there and stare!!!"
9. "Har? ni zai pai zhao ah? xiang ge mu tou yi yang!" (Translation: Huh? Are you taking a picture? Stand like wooden-block like that!)
10. " Who teach you one? Your Grandma is it?"
11. “Move like a butterfly, sting like a bee, just try not to fall down lah.” (ZOMG LOL LA )
12. " You wanna come back to the bench and drink kopi with me?"

MOVE LIKE A BUTTERFLY STING LIKE A BEE WALAO!!! I'm gonna use that when I become a netball coach I tell you and everyone will laughhhh.

Babe has fungus growth on his skin.

I spent yesterday thinking babe was gonna die ): I dreamt that I was removing ticks from his body -.- And now it's fungus! D:

Enough with the smilies. Oh by the way lucy chen makes my day I swear. She's the only one keeping her blog permanently alive even if she's like going to jc next year, and it's like NOBODY ELSE updates except her so I always always go to hers first, muahaha. Anyway I found something freaking hilarious from hers that I shall translate from chinese:

Diary Entry

5th March

Sunday

Sunny

Today I finished my homework and had nothing to do, so I took out mommy's sewing needles to play. I accidentally poked a chicken to death with the needle. I am very upset. I will not play with needles ever again.

Teacher's comments:

Can you tell me how you found the chicken's 'death point' so quickly?

Okay my translation sucks but chinese readers, here.

It's Saturday afternoon and babe is sleeping in his crate, my brother's having tuition and I am blogging (shortly, doing book review). My dad went to some place out of town and my mom's at the office, I am so sleepy the weather is like SO GOOD FOR SLEEPING but not good for babe's fungi sigh. It's all cold and windy without the sun.

I remember in Alaska (it was Anchorage) when we were at the hotel it was like 3 am and the sun was still out I swear, Alaska is never dark. It makes you feel guilty sleeping though a lot of the guilt is because you ate like, a thousand salmons (muahahaha) before you sleep so you feel bad for the fish.

But whatever. Not related.

I wanna live somewhere cold where babe can run everywhere and NOT have ticks/fungi at all. My mom just said if we get a house (not apartment) we should barter babe for a golden and I was horrified my mom was laughing, she is so so so so evilly cruelly... de vil.

I am going on and on and on let's see my list of work to do!

BI project/transfer to BI expat procedure please mother settle it! MARCH

Book review MARCH

Journal

Boys-Girls debate Thursday!

Math Ex12G anddd SL book argheinviqmcmwqjd

Math test monday linear!

Science test wednesday!!!! So many topics aaaa.

Music grade one theory book thing 

Music score analysis WEDNESDAY

read bible

Memory verse test MARCH

Do the stupid aigamo thing and finish all worksheets i.e a lot and update the agriculture plant logbook THING.

Twelve hours!!!!

essay on comparing the two movies on afghanistan

get a blue file

get a videocam

Aaaaaa I had no idea there was so much to do!

Plus babe's stuff ):

Okay I should get started. Goodbye muggernerds.

Since fourteenth was valentines, I've found something interesting from the bible, seems like interesting things these days are from the bible. It's kind of things you get from the ones I've shown you before, 1 Corinthians 1:1-13.

Love is willing to wait instead of demanding, "Prove you care, now!"

Love keeps on being friendly to people who aren't friendly back.

Love doesn't hate the girl who goes out with the guy you like.

Love doesn't brag about your good grades or the touchdown you made in Friday's game.

Love isn't stuck up. Love doesn't think you're better than others because your clothes are more expensive.

Love lets others have their turn talking. It never puts others down by acting like they don't count.

Love doesn't insist on getting all the credit or being one of the popular crowd.

Love doesn't lose its temper when a brother or sister hogs the phone or spends too much time in the bathroom.

Love doesn't hold grudges. It doesn't keep thinking over and over again about how someone hurt you. 

Love doesn't think doing wrong is cool.

Love looks out for the interests of others.

Love keeps on trusting God even when the right choices you make don't turn out the way you want.

Love keeps on expecting the best.

Love doesn't give up just because something goes wrong or because your feelings are hurt.

God is in charge, so those who love just keep right on loving.

So yeah. See Bu see Bu your fault!

You know what I suddenly miss Lucy Chen. I wanna go summer school together LUCY AH LET'S GO to like boarding summer school my cousin tells me everything about it and I am so bloody jealous. 

I was sleeping on the car and I dreamt that tngy died!!!! Tngy please call me or something please tell me you haven't died.

Babe has got plenty of exercise these days, he's been running and walking. The amazing thing is me too! Like owner like dog is very very applicable to us muahahah. I went for like one basketball training and I really won't be able to do Monday Thursday Friday I'll get home at like nine and die. I think I should do badminton this year since it's only two days Thursday Saturday (but SATURDAY?!) and it'll be less tiring than basketball obviously. Meanwhile I'll be training basketball and stamina, you know what, I actually want to be all rounded.

It's a sudden spurt of envy haha I just want to be everything.

Book review book review book review everybody helpppp with book review. The Truth About Forever I think I won't read you ever again after this cause I get sick of everything.

Hahahahah.

Okay I am going down to work out. I can do fifteen modified push ups HAHAHA I'm so so pathetic. Whatever though they are perfectly ninety degrees and I have improved I am very proud of myself.

I'm gonna improve running. My stamina sucks like shit. Netball how I miss you ):

Things have happened, joined basketball, babe has bitten me for the millionth time and bled, again. Cousins in town I loveeeee. Yup, it's good.

Anyway actually just to say happy valentines day (: Hope everyone's happy and in love.

You were someone else
You were meant to be 

The way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say 

You don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself

You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.


I think that you could be 

Whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize

All the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if 

You've got something to say.
Just open up your heart 

And let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself

You will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

Nostalgia, yes.

It is 12.37am here and Jess is at the temple and I have no money to return my boyfriend's sms so I am bored.

Anyways my braces hurt omg I never knew it hurt this much! Someone could have warned me! So I went to the dentist's at 7 yesterday, my appointment was originally supposed to be at 7 but I waited til 8, and then I went in and my mom couldn't come cause there was a jam so can you imagine?

So the doc told me to sit, he checked, rinsed, blah, and took out this giant injecting thing (is it a syringe?) and put it on the table and I'm like :O OH SHIT. It was scary I tell you. Then he put on the teeth things and took our my rubber things and then HE INJECTED THE ANAESTHETIC INTO MY GUM.

And not once. Not only once. He did it four times.

IT HURT LIKE HELL. Imagine someone sticking into a needle into the top of your mouth and then by the side on your top gums and.... oh my god you are now screaming.

FOUR. FOUR TIMES. TO TAKE OFF TWO TEETH.

And I need to do it AGAIN to get off the other two. There should be a rule banning these things! Child abuse! After that, he WRENCHED the two teeth out. Yeah. Wrench is a very appropriate word.

And oh my god it did not stop bleeding. It was honestly crazy I kept taking ice to freeze the wound so the blood would stop, but it didn't, even until the ice ran out. It did not stop for three hours I think I lost half my blood. I honestly felt like a vampire cause my blood was trickling out of the two vampire teeth. Yuck. 

The bleeding and numbness did not stop until I woke up the next morning. Yeah. The morning there was this humongous stain of red THING on my pillow which happened to be oh yes my blood. My bro woke up immediately when he saw it he thought I bled and died -.- . That is a miracle you can never get my bro to wake up.

Now I can't eat cause of my extracted teeth, and then my lip skin and my skin inside my mouth is wearing off and peeling cause of my braces and oh my gosh the things that are supposed to stick to my teeth, two of them have come off. 

Damn that doctor please do a better job since you have pained me so much.

Anyway it really hurts. And what sucks is that i have to do it all over again for my bottom teeth ):

I finished 70% of my math PT (sort of) which is supposed to be group work between the four of us but i was in the car anyway so I did it. Also I finished an essay for FoodTech (that's like home ec, except we get to sell our food and we actually get the money!!) that's graded for our portfolio andddd half of my music theory homework ;D Car rides are surprisingly productive, if you don't sleep in em.

Okay I wanna talk about school hahah I have no idea why. So my school isn't in Jakarta, where I live. It's in a quaint little town (like Millbrae I guess mon) that's a distance away from Jakarta and the town is owned by Lippo Bank (that guy, is freaking rich, which leads me to:

I met Lippo's CEO's grandson, at this little eating house in the mountains. He is very chubby but otherwise nice and turns out MY PARENTS KNOW HIM. However he is 18 and the funny thing is he just graduated from my school (my school has up to JC2 which is Year12) andddd his girlfriend has the same name as me. Prince William's girlfriend has the same name as me and Prince William has my birthday.

I think this is all very amusing.

Anyway sorry for the sidetrack, back)

which is really, really cool. Frank Sinatra has a road named after him in Vegas (this is true, I have been on it before) but this Lippo guy owns a TOWN (and a helicopter). It's about half an hour's drive from home, if there is no traffic. Ooooh yeah so today we lunched (she did, I drank a lobster bisque ONLY and that took longer than her bread and lobster bisque and carbonara, walao) at delifrance and um we went to the marketing gallery to look for a house!

We houseshopped and they showed us one that was in the Lippo guy's complex (HAHAHA) as well as a 278m2 plot of land, which has a twofloor on it that's ONLY 90m2. So math, hey, 90/278 is fyi less than a third of the total land? That means two thirds of the land is yes, garden. Grass. Fountains. I think my babe will absolutely love the place, gosh.

Okay I am going on. I have no aim.

I'll go. Night.

I am sad to report, that that is all I have to say.

Things are so complicated that I have no idea what's going on. No idea how I'm feeling. I think I just feel like I did something wrong, like I could have done something but didn't. Like I did something wrong, but I still wanna do it again.

Gosh, I can't believe it.

I actually have a lot of homework. All Bahasa stuff, and english and bible and I am tired today is saturday and I wasted the day away. I feel so guilty I've taken time for granted -

OH MY GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?! I SAID THAT BRINGING BABE TO THE SALON AND PLAYING TIMEZONE AND ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IT IS TAKING TIME FOR GRANTED OHHH MYYY GODDDD.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING TO ME!?!?!??!

The perfectionista streak is reaching my brain.

Oh yeah, today I was supposed to get my braces, but the doctor said he's gonna do it on tuesday instead, and now I have three rubber thingies stuck in between my teeth, which sucks, because apart from my dracula fangs I have perfectly fine teeth which means that now they're trying to create space between my teeth when they are perfectly straight and together, how is that fun and unhurting?

Unhurting is not a word.

I feel unloved. I want to cry. I want to cry with Jess who also wants to cry.

Everybody wants to cry these days, being a teenager is not easy.

I think I want to grow up and own a car and road trip from San Francisco to New York, sleeping in the car, eating jack in the box and taco bell for the rest of my life. I want to die early. I need to read the bible.

I am going crazy. This is insane. Everything is insane I have to keep sane but how can I be sane when enjoying time in this world is classified as wasting time!!!

I am not normal.

Sometimes, when you think too much about something, the feelings get more intense, you either love or hate more, or you regret, you get thankful. But otherwise, we shouldn't think too much about anything, cause the more you do, the more you hope, and the more you get disappointed because it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to be.

I don't like hope. Hope makes me sad.

I'm going to go. My pre-braces hurt insanely.

I see lights in the dark. The screeching sound of tires against concrete. Voices float in my head, someone’s crying. A loud thud. Silence. And then someone screams my name, “Kirsten!”

“Kirsten!”

I jerked awake and sat up on my bed. The curtains danced about wildly by the window in the last of spring’s breath. My feet were ice cold, numb. But I was panting. Panting. I found my hands wiping away the sweat on my face as the cries went on. I turned on the lights by the bed, and then shuffled towards the cot by the wall.

“Elena,” I called out as my hands reached for the wailing three-year-old. Cold, clammy little fingers grabbed mine and pulled me forward. I picked up her small frame in my arms as she wrapped her legs around my torso. “Hey, shh. I’m here,” I said, soothing my hands up and down her back.

I remembered not too long ago, when I first saw my sister cradle her little girl in her arms. She had been so little, so fragile, as if I just held on a little too tight she would shatter like pieces of glass. As I watched her then, her limbs reached out like a flower towards the sun, and I told my sister that she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And now, three years later, she still was - even more, if that was possible. She had grown into her auburn hair, her dimples highlighting her smile, her big blue eyes shone under light, and her mouth, with a slight upward twist at the end, looked like a piece of artwork too priceless to claim.

She stopped crying as I rocked her back and forth, hoping for sleep the rest of the night.

“I see purple monsters. Big. Scary. They bite,” she took the courtesy to inform me, sniffling, as I put her down on my bed and slid under the covers right beside her. She clung on without release, and I couldn’t breathe.

“Barney’s purple,” I tried to make a point.

“But this one was scary. Big, sharp teeth. Eat me,” she shook, for effect. “Rawrh!”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

“It’s not funny!” she yelled, but barely after she heard herself she joined in. I flicked my fingers in her stomach, and she yelled louder.

“No tickle!” she managed between squeals.

We collapsed back on the bed, Elena a wriggling worm. She took a deep breath, and then, quietly.

“I miss my mommy."

I held her closer in my arms, taking in the smell of her shampoo, her body lotion filling my nose with the scents of the strawberry fields. There are nights like this, moments like these, when I catch her sad gaze across the room, or hear a certain plunge in her voice. Each time I felt her throbbing heart, I was sure she was going to cry. But she never did.

Yet I knew just how she felt. It was something we had in common, something we shared, a feeling I confided only in her, for the mere fact that she felt the same way I did. I never really said it out loud, but I thought back to that dream that got me up drenched in sweat. If you wanted to say something, then say it quick. Sometimes, you might not even get the chance, at all. So I did.

“I miss her, too,” I said.

She was quiet for a moment, and I felt a lurch in my stomach. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I shouldn’t have said it all. I felt my stomach tighten, I saw the familiar look in her eyes, the same desperate face, a longing. I knew. I knew it all too well.
“But you can see her next week.” I added, slowly. Hopefully.

“She can come back?” she asked, excitement playing across her face, an expression so endearing I couldn’t help but plant a kiss on her head. It was funny, like that, that if you gave a kid a ray of hope, they took it as the world.
“From college, baby girl, yes.”

“Really?” she crinkled her nose, willing the world to change for her. “Stay with Elena forever and ever?” There was something in her voice, almost a plea. Unlike me, Elena could hope. She could wish, and she could tell. I couldn’t hope. If there was anything I’d learnt, hope wasn’t exactly something you could count on. If you had too much of it, you’d end up disappointed.

“Yeah,” I said, as I hushed her back to sleep. “Forever and ever.”