OKAY. SIMMY PRISCILLA AND FRANSIS.
see that's what happens when i post about l-o-v-e. there is always a clash in opinions and a tag from simmy. -.-
anyway. i've written my angel letter (: i just need to put my mortal's name next to 'dearest' in my greeting. HAHA. i'm quite excited about this mortal thing. but not school, though. i'm not ready to go back to endless homework afternoons and no dinners. although i COULD lose some unnecessary fats. so from now on i shall resume on my diet. two grapes a day xD
HAHAHA. nah. well i have to put some diet and exercise schedule on. and also this study program to get that higher gpa. since i have already decided that i shall not think about some other things. like how much is a bar or toblerone or when he is going to reply.
talking about him. it's so hard. i keep telling myself to forget about it. that he probly has a good reason to not reply. and im not talking, either. i promised that i was only answerable to myself and no other man. it was hard at first, to come and do it altogether, and control myself. but in the end i guess i had to make it work. i'll wait, but i won't think about it. that's probly the only way out for now.
nine days. if i survive these nine days then i'm sure i have nothing to be afraid of. not even when he comes back to say sorry. good. nine days, jessica. nine days.
anyway. things haven't been going good for me. my sims won't work, for one. and then ive been trying to find all my cds which i bought and someplace which gives me a super big discount on vah's cd. which i havent found til now. both the cds and the discount, i mean. and i realised that i left six sets of cds or so in bs. -.- it's pissing, you know. my lovely cds are not home!
my phone has been so so so quiet! i can't imagine if - okay nevermind. i won't think about it.
i'm still forcing it, actually. it hasn't been easy, you know. didn't know i'd become like this. i'd call myself stupid. but i'm really lucky mom and everyone's here. at least i have some things to take my mind off. but when they get back i'll have to live with it all over again. probly i'll cry, probly i wont. but whatever it is and how it goes i hope i'll find a way to work around it, the loneliness and the solitude. probly i'll appreciate it, probly i won't.
but in the end, the moral of the story is to treasure the moment, isn't it? and not to regret not doing some things earlier on. it's better to take it now than to make amends later. it's always that way, it's always that moral.
musiconnects.
i love that n5300 advert. partly because of the phone! HEH. but it's really cute and original and creative! i love the advert. they should do it with babies and i'd save all of my allowance to buy one. i'm serious, really.
anyway. i just recovered from that bout of sicknesseseseses, which, i havent told him yet, by the way, and intend to tell him that i died of bird flu or something equally lame. but i'll see. it depends on the situation. i'm forcing him to get out of my mind.
god, how long have i crapped? i'd better go.
bye doods.

oh, the stupid movie. i want to take back everything i said in the last post.
everything on earth leads to survival. im stupid to not have realised this even after simmy posted on her ants. for survival, one could kill. for survival, one could hanker. and for that last breath, one could take advantage of love.
it's true, isn't it? taking advantage of love. in the end all we need is our heart to keep beating.
i remember the time when i was a firm believer of love. it wasn't a long time ago, actually. it was just yesterday. but because of just this movie. this one movie. it changed my whole perspective of love, and survival. does love fill your wallets? does love make you full? is love what keeps your heart beating? perhaps, after i look back at my post tomorrow i'll scorn myself. because i am, by nature, a romantist. i believe in miracles, i believe in love. i believe that one day that someone will come to take me away. but no matter how much a believe in them they might not come true. sad, but it's reality. you might tell me to look on the bright side, that miracles do happen. yes, i understand what youre saying because i have thought that way before. but in real life? no. na-da. nothing.
even if your heart breaks, you heart still keeps beating. it's a fact. the last moment your heart beats the last moment you live. superficial, but true. pity, sad, pessimistic, but real. because not everything that happens in the world may be as they seem, no matter how true they may seem to be.
and not every word anyone says may turn out to be a promise.
of course, not every promise may turn out to be one.
trust, loyalty, truth, love.
betrayal, vengeance, deceit.
it's only a matter of time before the tables turn on you. and when the time comes, you have nobody to blame for your predicament.
because it is only human nature to trust, and to betray, and then to blame.

I'd choose to be loved by someone whom I don't have feelings for over loving someone who doesn't love me back.
Because it hurts too much.
Because loving him means willing to sacrifice everything and anything, even to the extent of giving up your own life.
And the person who is loved basks in this sacrifice, takes advantage of this foolish love.
Because in the end, on this very last breath you take, all you want, and all you need, is love.

It feels so good to be home.

I'm back in my own computer, my own bed and my own table. But most importantly are the view from my room, my floor and my bed.

It feels so good to be home. (I know I said that already. but really)

My room. It's where I've cried countless times after any fight or anything I couldn't deal with. My room is where I sneak past-midnight snacks into. It's where all my files are (for now, at least) and almost everything else that I own. They're all in this 3 by 3m room, in my cupboards, on my shelfs, on my table. It's where my medals and trophies and certificates and awards are kept. Usually my guitar is standing upright beside the bed, and my table is a weeny bit messy and my overstuffed cabinet and my stupid faulty a/c which doesn't stop making noise are there. It's where I hide most of the time when I don't feel like socialising, the only place (besides the toilet) where I can just cry, cry and cry and not worry about people seeing me. My room's where I feel at home.

My room's what I missed during my whole trip.

Makes me think of that song.

"Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you." HAHA.

But I don't really want to spoil the atmosphere. So. Back.

The view from my room. Many people don't think this is important, but many a times I've found peace in my window. Whenever I look out; at night or in the morning whatever I see just tells me something. In the morning though I hate the morning rays but what really gets me up is the thought of looking outside. See the employees rushing for work, mothers sending their children to school in their cars, some mothers holding their children's hands and walking along the roads. And then I think. Look at them. And look at you.

At noon or in the afternoon you see young kids who don't go to school yet walking about with their mothers. And then you see some security guards leaving for the mall next door for lunch. Everybodys rushing in the lunch hour.

In the evening it's the rush hour with the employees you saw in the morning rushing for work now rushing home for dinner, either alone or with their families. There are cars everywhere, taxis, people at the bus stop. And then there's the sunset glow after a while, and the buildings look like outstanding skyscapers.

But the most beautiful view is forever at night, where darkness illuminates the space, and lights dot the buildings. You see red lights, green lights, blue lights, and then the occasional dim yellow lights. The road being lit up, usually (like now, past midnight) with no cars. It's hard to imagine what was so busted in the day is empty, completely once darkness falls. Because the people have returned home. People who don't like work but have to work for money, to support their families. People who'd sacrifice their freedom for the people they love, to work and get money to feed every single mouth in the household.

And I admire these people. These people who work hard for every penny they earn and would chase after every single penny which drops and rolls towards the drains. Because they know that this penny was the money they traded their freedom for.

And my floor never fails me. I come home everyday, exhausted and sleepy and dirty. I plop down my bag and look forward to a day of homework, laundry and chores. But then I don't want to dirty my bed. With my dirty uniform. Because in the end I hav to clean it up anyway. And the only option I can see is the floor. And it feels so good, to lie down and stare at the ceiling thinking over the day. Because you always feel that the floor is behind you, supporting you. It's literal, but hey, it works for me. I can feel it. The bond with my floor. (:

My bed. Is where I've changed countless bedsheets on, hid in the night when I was supposed to be asleep but wasn't of course; cried myself to sleep so many times; wrote in my lovely diary under the covers with a batteryoperated reading light, wet it (with tears) while listening to my iPod and then dried it. It's where all the hundred acre wood dolls, and Maya my husky sleep on, or sit on, all day long. And I say goodbye to all of them every single night. It's where I strummed my guitar and played those darn syf pieces all day long.

And the most important thing it does is to make me feel like someone's hugging me. Not really hugging, but holding. I find solace in my pillow and bolster when I cry. They dry up my tears and then I talk to my dolls when I cry, and then I think on the bed. Hesitate, decide and then doubt, and then believe, smile, laugh, and then cry again, and then read some smses and flutter. It's where I can truly be in my own world when the rest of the world is around me.

And to me it's always saying;

"And I will always love you."

YAY i got the street! that's so so so so hilly.

trams! they're so cute

i love the night view. that's the golden gate.

another hilly road

russian hill! it's like, darn steep and curvy wurvy.

ah! plain beautiful

evening houses

another road

the bridge

ah! lovely.

Babies.

Sometimes babies are the most enlightening creatures that you'll ever meet. In their eyes you see the innocence that was once in yours, the ignorance that you emptied the first day you went to school. You see in them what your parents saw in you the first day you came into the world, the eyes, the mouth, the hands, the feet; but most importantly, you see dreams.

Dreams that your parents had for you, as you did for the baby, no matter whose he was or what he was, but dreams. To grow up happily, or to get into Harvard, or to find love someday; any one of these dreams could be any parent's. But whichever dream they had they'd always make the most out of his childhood.

Especially when he's still a baby.

And perhaps that's the reason why I envy babies. Parents don't yell at you, no one expects anything from you, and you just have all the time to while away, in your cot or eating away. Although yes, at that time you might wish to grow faster, so that you can do things yourself and make your own decisions. But it's not until you reach adulthood when you finally realise you don't want to grow up. You want to be a baby again.

I just came back from a mountain trip with my twin baby cousins. During the whole journey I never failed to be amused by their adorable-ness, their innocence, their ignorance, their bliss. The cuteness in their actions, faces, the way they talk and the way they think; their innocence of not knowing too much about the world around them and to just concentrate on growing up; their ignorance of the things happening and not needing to care; and their bliss of their ignorance and their innocence altogether to form something their parents love them for.

Them. That's true, parents love the babies for them, not for their cuteness, or their innocence, or their adorable-ness. Neither their bliss. True, people like me might envy these babies for all the things that they possess, they have. But in the end I love the babies for their own different characters, personalities. Each baby is like a priceless treasure which God blessed us with. And neither of them should be denied the chance of a happy childhood, and neither should they be denied of the chance to even live.

Perhaps that's what I like about babysitting. Seeing the kids running around, talking in their own words, smiling like the world will never end - one hour of this is enough to brighten my day, to while away all the troubles I have as a teenager. A big sister to the children, someone to look for when anyone lands in the police office for anything, when someone gets in trouble with his parents; someone to look for when you need a helping hand.

And that's what I try to be for them. A sister but not a preacher.

And I hope I'm doing it right.

a lazy afternoon at the beach

a day view

another night view of the roads. (almost all their roads are hilly and steep which makes driving extra fun. also when we park on the roads we have to turn the wheels towards the curbside so all the wheels are slanted)

a view of golden gate bridge

a close up of the 77 (i think) year old bridge

beach fun

another golden gate picture

an evening beach day

well not very constructive pictures. but i promise i'll get some of roads and trams and what their houses look like. and their map. it's like, square blocks.

i was my mom's navigator, we walked eight bloody blocks to rent a car to visit her university there and also russian hill on lombard street which is amazing which also has 187 (i think. i counted) stairs.

and i am amazed at how much of san frans i remember. i am going over again. definitely.

oh there i've got one of the streets. that is REALLY HILLY. you feel like you're going to fly when you come down and it's safer if you use automatic cars. manual cars are DANGEROUS.

if you don't believe me, watch princess diaries. the first one.

oh yay. ten. what a bother.

another quiz on lucy's blog. i do quizzes everytime i am pissed with my dad, so that's a cue.
oh, and i actually went to randomly ask mon all the questions and her answers are in green.(hers are original, copied and pasted with absolute permission to publish)
mine's blue.

1.How tall are you?
169 or 170 i guess. but but but i wore high heels on this wedding and i was taller than my mom and my mom is 171.
170? i don't know. i mean, who at 25 gets a giraffe/hippo height measurement thing to check her height?

2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
um, i don't know. maybe if you consider like talking to another great man and hoping that i have another dad. yeah.
yes but i finally thought it over and got my prince charming. i think it was worth it.

3. Do you own a gun?
search my closet and you'll find one. it's yellow and you can actually shoot water out of it. it's so cute.
do you count xavier's toy set? if you don't then no.

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
i'll be dancing around like a chicken singing the cancan song just like that advert on cartoon network.
getting my mom to shave off all of xavier's hair and then tell everyone that he doesn't have hair growing glands.

5. How many letters are in your lover's name?
three? m-o-m.
five.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
that they are hot and steamy. oh i think of april.
bread with a sausage. i am not kidding.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
jingle bell rock. by hilary duff and last christmas by some random guy. shit what's the band name.
last christmas by savage garden
i remember now. mine was the cheetah girls' version.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
grape juice with a sprite shot. very rejuvenating.
coffee. actually more of the brewing so i can smell it. and it can get people to wake up.

9. Do you do push-ups?
a night before napfa, or when i start seeing my arms getting flabby.
eight years ago. now i lift weights, i.e. xavier and caitlyn

10. Do you have a boyfriend?
of course. friend-boy. i have a lot of them.
does a husband count?

11. Do you like the rain?
on days where i have to take public transport? no. but on days where i can stay home i'd love to get the rain so that i can sleep all day long and wake up the next morning at three.
with strong gales, no.otherwise, i love it. xavier jumps in the puddles outside the house. then i don't have to play the barney cds all the time.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
if you mean angry-dad-darn, yes. but no otherwise.
hell no.

13. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
one, spongebob squarepants is just. oh i am speechless.. two, i am never eating anchovies ever again. three, the air con sucks.
'caitlyn don't poo','i hate barney','i want to drive uphill'

14. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
the material girls' fake dvd. chewing gum. a yellow scrunchy gown for sunday's wedding dinner which totally rocks.
diapers, pasta and red wine.

15. Name five drinks you regularly drink, in order of most to least.
water. green tea. soup. soda. milo
water and then coffee and then milk and then soda and then red wine.

16. What time did you wake up today?
ten thirty. my grandmother screamed at me or i would have slept longer.
four am. caitlyn needed new nappies.

17. Can you spell?
um, no. i use autospell. the computer can read my mind. -.-
that is so lame, brenda song style.

18. Current worry?
where's my pack of dried mangoes.
have i paid my phone bills?

19. Current hate?
uh, MACINTOSHES.
the blues

20. Favorite place to be?
san francisco! and my room in the new house in singapore.
toronto. actually uphill aka twin peaks would be just fine.

22. Where do you want to be?
somewhere cold and free of mosquitoes. alaska or vancouver or san francisco will do.
this is about the same as the one above. uphill.

23. Do you own slippers?
yes. if i didnt i would have died on my mountain trip because the bathrooms had a gazillion insects.
ditto.

24. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
at twenty three? maybe the first half of the year i'll be having my engagement party and then starting my psychiatrist and volunteer careers.
the end of the year i'd be married having the wedding dinner at grand hyatt and after that fly off to san francisco to spend my honeymoon on a roadtrip from san frans to vegas. of course we'd spend a night on the car on the twin peaks. and and and become an accomplished psychiatrist with patients falling in every second due to overstress and pressure from our education system.
AS IF. i'd probably be running indonesia apple store managing all branches from sumatra and bali and all sorts of places. without time for a guy to come into my life and fifty years down the road i'll be an overstressed shrivelled old peanut with twenty seven black cats.
meow.
thirty-six? still in san francisco packing lunch sandwiches for xavier and caitlyn. oh, and probly with another kid.

25. Do you burn or tan?
tan. my grandmother screams once she sees me under the sun but i tell her that i bring an umbrella with me everywhere in singapore so i don't get black.
i try to tan but i never get tanned. i just get as red as a tomato.

26. Yellow or blue?
blue. i don't like bananas.
blue. yellow makes me think of soiled nappies.

27. Would you be a pirate?
unless they had internet and calamari on the boat and endless supply of fuel to travel all around the world especially san francsico(okay, maybe new zealand too), no.
if i was keira knightley and if orlando brown was the captain.

28.your phone ringtone?
currently it's this weird motorola ringtone cos im using a moto phone in jakarta.
for calls from mom or papi or siblings or kevin it's a personalised one that goes, pick it up you'll love it. friends, a plain but nice clock alarm ring which is saved in my phone. for the haters, a whistle and then someone shouting taxi.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. i don't know why.
a lot of them. but usually i don't sing.

30. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
monsters suddenly pulling me down to the floor and then eating me up. so i always put my bolster on the outside of the bed. actually i still do.
boogeyman. papi had to let me sleep in between him and mom.

31. What's in your pockets right now?
i'd love to say some hilarious and random thing but no.air. plain old boring air with the right components of oxygen, dioxide, nitrogen and other gases.
i don't have pockets.

32. Last thing that made you laugh?
my brother's new haircut. it looks like a weird field of overcut black grass so it hurts when i put my hand over it. no, he isn't bald yet.
umm, when xavier tried to say caitlyn's name but went 'aieen'. oh no it was when kevin told xavier he was gonna eat vegetables and xavier started crying.

33. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
winnie the pooh! with a pot of honey and a bee. probly if i found it now i would love it more than i did.
i don't remember. pink. i think.

34. Worst injury you've ever had?
a sprained ankle during netball practice which took three weeks to heal and a fall which got both my knees all bloody and gross. the blood wouldnt stop flowing and my dad thought i was going to die of excessive blood loss. OH OH and also when my nail came off my thumb after an accident involving a door and a stupid gust of wind.
fell off my bike and hit my head on a tree trunk.

35. What is your GPA?
very pathetic. you don't want to know.
in USF, 3.7

36. How many TVs do you have in your house?
jakarta? one. singapore, two. the other one was a last minute buy from the nest door best denki when my uncle was coming to visit and living on the nineteenth floor unit and he didnt have a tv.
two. one in the living and one in the bedroom.

37. Who is your loudest friend?
um. i don't know.
you. HAHA. (equals to me)

38.Who is your most silent friend?
i dont think i know any silent people. well tuition friends yes but not school friends.
i don't know silent people.

39. Does someone have a crush on you?
i don't know. i don't think so.
it's pointless asking. i'm taken.

40. Do you wish on stars?
yes. sad to say, but i still do. shooting stars, especially. i think that stars represent people who've gone but were loved once in this lifetime. that's why they're there to tell their loved ones they love them too.
yeah. i love them.especially when i was a kid.

41. What is your favorite book?
a month ago it was still 'someone like you' but now its 'the truth about forever'.
a lot. i can't really tell.

42. What song did you last hear?
where is your heart, kelly clarkson.
i love you, barney.

43. What song do you want played at your funeral?
say goodbye, s club.
at the beginning, anastasia.

44. What were you doing 12AM last night?
i was surfing the net blogging about my dad. i am going to do so soon again. he just gave me a 300page book on mac OS and told me to study it and asked me why im using windows again. it is my bloody freaking vacation. i could have gone to new zealand with mom and ama if i just said yes but i said no.
uh, sneaking around the fridge tring to find something to eat like brownies without waking kevin or xavier or caitlyn up. that is some challenge.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
shit, get up before ama blasts my eardrums off.
it's another sucky morning, now let's change some nappies and watch some barney.

boy, am i random.
oh, and thanks mon.

To wear off the gloom in the air I decided to do a quiz from lucy's blog.

1.Are you a chinese or english freako?
sorry for all the chinese lovers, but i'm an english freak.

2.If time is going to stop; what will you possibly do for that time?
um, tell everyone that time is going to stop. i mean, what can i do? anyway when time stops i stop moving too.

3. Prefer a playpool or playground?
playground. i am officially afraid of pools of any kind. ever since i read the lady in the water book i have not gone to any place with massive amounts of water. and i'm scared of sharks eating me up in swimming pools so playgrounds are so much safer.

4. Do you usually gossip others; or being gossiped?
it goes both ways, usually. i don't mind and i don't care.

5. Do you like simple or complicated stuffs?
who doesn't like simple? but sometimes complication goes a long way.

6. Do you tackle numbers better; or alphabets?
alphabets. no arguing on this one.

7. What makes you pissed off?
mosquitoes trying to eat me, insects in the bathroom and my dad when he gets ego.

8. How's your childhood?
best time of my life. want it back, it's better than what i've got now, i guess.

9. Do you have inspiration without perspiration?
uh, if being in an a/c-ed car with your driver and your brother counts as perpiration, then yes. otherwise, no.

10. Do you think 24 hours is too long, short or just okay?
absolutely short. i can kill you on saying long.

11. Would you judge people by their appearance?
for people like shane filan and vanessa hudgens, i guess. but otherwise i don't.

12. What is attractive in your eyes?
a heart of gold. not words not looks but actions. a guy who helps an old lady across the road would be nice, or someone who loves his family.

13. Do you like the day or night, explain why?
night. it gets me thinking and i get silence. and no one knows what you're doing so you can write in your diary about whoever you hate and curse him all you like. no one will know. plus that you can sneak and get food from the fridge of course and tell your mom the next day that a rat ate your whole bag of mars bars.

14. Do you treasure stuff that you own, or you have insatiable desires?
it goes both ways, but normally i wish for things. although i love all my laptops but i want a new one. yes. and although i love chocolate i may want to upgrade my guitar.

15. If your computer just hanged up; with a long long document not being saved; how will you react?
"macs don't hang" quoted, my dad. but um, i'll probably hit it once and then after that say i'm sorry and wish for it to work. if it doesnt after a while i'll start telling my mom that the comp sucks.

16. Do you believe in miracles?
sometimes. but they rarely happen. not even once, actually.

17. Do you often tend to forget about the past; or trying hard to do so?
i love my past. i just don't love my future. a person with a past knows what she loves and what she expects. a person with a past has memories to bring her through the future. a person who only has a future doesn't know what she really needs.

18. In your mind, what are the only colours in the world?
white and black and blue and red and yellow. i'm going au naturel..

19. Have you ever pity those who are real pitiful; and shed tears for them; etc?
yeah. i gave a conwoman five bucks knowing that she was one because i think that she had her reasons to con. that's because she was at a bus stop. wearing weird clothes and held a walking stick. but i've cried, for those who were too poor, for those who didn't know of love. that's real pitiful.

20. Describe yourself as in attitude.
i guess i'm pretty much good most of the time but i am a realist. i don't tell myself i passed the chem test with flying colours when my gpa was 1.8

21. Do you suddenly lose the grasp of hope to survive as yet?
no. not really. though my gastric is really killing me now the acids are churning like a washing machine.

22. Give 3 advantages when you get to live.
i get to love, i get to be loved and i get to stuff chocolate brownies in my mouth when i have gastric pains.

23. What is your ambition in life?
to be a good mother. and to be a psychologist and a volunteer for the kids in aceh as well as juvenile youth and head off to the adoption agency someday to adopt a baby who was abandoned by her parents, and give her all the love she should have. no, i'm not kidding. i'll joke anything but that.

24. Do you believe in horoscope etc?
sometimes emotions get me. but i know that i have certain periods of bad luck streaks. that is a sure thing.

25. Describe music in your life.
everything? well i can't live without my ipod.

26. Which country would you like to go; when you can afford it?
san frans alaska and vancouver! well actually usa and canada.

27. What do you think blogging is about?
expressing yourself.

28. What kind of style you are trying to get hold of?
currently, i'm going with the flow of trendy and simple. just whatever that suits me is just fine.

29. When you fail a test, how will you react?
uh, moan for five hours, in the meantime laugh when i hear funny things, but stay depressed the whole day.

30. Pass this to 5 friends:
anyone who wants. this quiz is up for grabs.

It's weird how adults make me feel so stupid.
My father just confronted me - actually he put it in a very accusing tone - and he asked me why I didn't stay over another night at my grandmother's place. His mother, not my mom's. He said that my grandfather just(three years ago) passed away and my grandmother is used to having him lead her the way. Before I start telling you everything, I'm just going to tell you whatever he said just now.

him: So why didn't you spend another night at ama's house?
me: i didn't have clothes and everything else. i only brought my pooh doll. jojo had science exam so i came back to teach him.
him: we can bring over what. and mummy can teach jojo science.
me: ... (like WHEN. the other night you picked me up at ten thirty when you said you were going to come at five. and excuse me, why do you push everything to mom? she is the one who's been working like hell for your finances, your business. you are just going on about your dream of everyone in indonesia eligible to buy an ipod.)
him: you can spend time with mommy and ama(my mom's mom) anytime what. (no, dad. no. ever since you asked mom and jo to come back i've never been to reach her whenever i needed her) ama's not used to not having gonggong to lead the way for her because he always lead the way for her last time right. but now he's no more so ama's is just lost, you know, suddenly. (dad, my cousin and my aunt are there every day. and gong gong went three years ago. before that he was in bed for four years)
me: uhuh. okay. (doesn't mean that you can control your staff at work you can control the family as my father you can control your family as the eldest son you can control who i love too. i love ama, i do. i just hope that you stop accusing me of doing some things)
him: you understand what i mean? how many times do you see ama (his mom) in a year?
me: ...twice. (i know, you're going to compare - )
him: and how many times do you see ama(my mom's mom) in a year?
me: ... (not answering)
him: once a month right.
me:... (what kind of calculation is THAT?!?! ONCE A MONTH? dad, please stop being biased. it doesnt mean i spend more time with ama(mom's mom) i love her more it doesnt work that way. stop this, so i can one day tell ama that whatever she's biased against you isn't true)

after that he went on about comparing me with my cousins, how they help their dad with the business, how they are pros at macs. they are GUYS, dad. they love the computers.

but i dont, dad. i dont.

i’m jessica
but you can call me jem
210693
fifteen
rvian
rafflesian
sph
nygbs
rgge

loves Jesus,
jessica tan,
netball,
gilmore girls,
fridays,
english,
guitars,
blue,
jack johnson,
and her latest craze john mayer

rivervalley
jess . fran . krist . daniel . marilyn . nadia . joey . anqi . charis . xiaowei . lyn . walter . huixin . weilun . jiansheng . nic . mon . six'a ohfive. cherylgan.

bs&out
lucy . kaini . cherntze . zihui . sarah . jeanice one . jeanice two . jocelyn . claudia .

raffles06
pris . simmy . ellyn . tien . yufang . danetta . priya . qianyu . jenny . natalie . liting . cheryl ng . racheltan . wenyan . eunice . huizi . huanying . oneohfour'oh six .

raffles07
anqi . berenice . cherylkoh . cherylchan . eenette . ellie . jessica chan . jiaying . jovina . kathy . khaingzin . miranda . sylvia . wanshuen .

& CHATTER

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