All it takes (rewrite)
Saturday, August 05, 2006
♥ Saturday, August 05, 2006
RE: All it Takes (Rewrite)
Chapter One
It was the farewell party of band camp and the few last dances. I was with my best friend, Ellyn, and a few of the other guitarists who we'd spent afternoons practicing with, slogging out, and finally making our performance last night. I turned to all the new people I've got to known from these three weeks, from passing by without a word to familiar faces. I would miss them, a lot. But I missed home, my friends in school, my sisters.
It was right when I was going to speak to Ellyn when Mrs Ganghes, the counselor tapped on my shoulder and whisked me away into the office, where I left her all alone on the dancing floor. It was with great reluctance that I followed her, but when your counselor wants you to go to her office to pick up a phone call from your 24-year old sister, you have just got to do it. But really, I had to admit I was a tad excited. Sarah and I were what you called glue sisters, which was extended to a trio when our 13-year old sister Ashley came along.
But Sarah had never done this. Called me through the office, I mean, during camp. Perhaps it was this understanding that told me that something was wrong.
"Sarah?" I said, feeling rather awkward with Mrs Ganghes still staring at me like I had done something wrong to get an adult to call me through the office.
There was a pause before Sarah's voice came on. "Rachel. Can you come home right now?"
"Definitely. I'm just gonna be home in a few hours or so. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, honey. I just," a pause, "missed you loads."
"No, Sarah. Tell me what's wrong. You're my sister and I know you," I said, sounding firm. When it came to things concerning my sister, I was pretty tough.
There was a pause, longer than the other two. And then sobs came on. Even with the distance between us, even when we couldn't see each other, I could tell that there was an unspeakable pain in her. I braced myself for what was coming next, although clueless.
"It's Tom, Rachel," she cried.
Tom was the love of her life, and Ashley and I weren't surprised one bit when they finally announced their wedding early last year. Tom was the kind of person who would stay home to 'take care' of us with Sarah when Sarah couldn't make it for dates instead of going for bowling with his friends late-night. He wasn't the kind of person who most men were; he was already like a father to us, just like how Sarah had been a mother. After they had gotten married, everyone had less housework to do. Tom would help out, and he did, too. He changed light bulbs and fixed Christmas trees, and even made brownies sometimes. Ashley and I always caught Sarah and Tom glancing at each other and smiling during dinner, where we sat on the same table.
I thought Tom had done something wrong and she had been feeling cranky again, just as she had been the last few weeks. Although Sarah was strong when it came to Ashley and me, but she was exceptionally vulnerable where matters of the heart were concerned. Just as I was going to tell her that she should let things go for the hundredth time, she started to speak.
"He's gone, Rachel." She sobbed, this time even louder. "He's dead,"
The truth entered like shattered pieces of glass piercing into my heart. But no amount of wounds could compare to the pain that I felt inside. Unlike these scars, the truth would never heal, ever.
"No, Sarah. No way," I managed to speak. The shock that overwhelmed me was too much to deal. "It's impossible, man. It's impossible."
Sarah's cries continued. But I didn't seem to hear them, my mind was somewhat lost in this dream, this nightmare that was impossible. It was impossible that Thomas; her husband, our brother, the man in the house; was dead. No. Impossible.
"Look," I said in a shaky voice, after getting myself back on track. "I'll come home right now, okay? Wait for me,"
"Okay. I’ll wait,"
I hung up the phone, and I ran out of the office, leaving Mrs Ganghes looking bewildered. She called after me as I stepped out, but I didn’t care. I searched for Ellyn around campus and finally found her with one of the guitarists.
"You look like a cow who just ran all the way from home, or something," Ellyn said as I panted. Although I admired Ellyn's sense of humour, I wasn't really in the mood for a joke.
"Shut up. I need a ride home. Sarah won't be coming today," I snapped, rather impatiently. Ellyn apparently got her driving license earlier than I did, since she was a few months older.
"What's wrong?" she looked at me suspiciously.
"Tom's dead," I blurted it out, quickly.
"Oh my-"
"I need your car. Sarah is breaking down," I interrupted.
"You pack the bags. I'll get the car,"
We started on the way home. I couldn't sleep the first part of the journey. However hard I tried to get the thoughts, the nightmare out of my head, they always found a way to creep back into my memory. I was afraid that I would break down too if I kept on thinking, and there would be no one, no one at all, to support Sarah and Ashley.
Our parents died when Sarah was 18; I was 10 and Ashley was merely 7. For these 6 years, Sarah quit school, worked single-handedly to provide for us, and fulfilled a sister's responsibility-not to mention a mother's-with great success, with help from only the money and the house that our parents left us. It was a painful time and a very hard period to get through. Back then at night I'd hear Sarah crying, but I didn't do anything. As a ten-year old, I didn't really understand what death meant.
I remember the first night clearly, when Sarah took us to the beach and the three of us were lying side by side in the sand; Ashley, Sarah, and then me. We lay still; the sound of waves crashing in the distance, the wind blowing at the trees and making the leaves rustle. The stars above seemed to be winking at us, and I was sure Mom and Dad were somewhere up there, watching over us.
"Let's go home, Sarah," Ashley had said. "Mommy and Daddy will kill us if we get home so late,"
Ashley was far too young to understand, Sarah and I had discussed it.
"Mom and Dad won't be home, Ashley," I said after a while, trying to sound strong when I wasn't. Truth was, tears were filling my eyes again.
"Why? Where did they go?" Ashley asked again.
"They went to this beautiful place where they are happy, Ashley, and they won't be coming back in a long, long time," Sarah said, softly.
"Really? But I'll miss them, Sarah. I really will miss them a lot,"
"Oh yeah? I've got an idea. Whenever you want to talk to them, look up to the stars. Then Mommy and Daddy will listen to you," a pause. "Wherever they are. They'll be listening, I'm sure,"
I started to cry at this, and I brought my hand up to my mouth to seal in the noise. Sarah grabbed hold of my hand and held it tight, and wiped the tears off my face as I cried. Ashley was starting to count the stars, and I envied her innocence, that ignorance was bliss. One, two, three. Four, five, six, before I entered the realm of fantasy, into my dream where life was the way it was: perfect, and beautiful.
* * * * *
"Hey," Ellyn woke me as she pulled into the driveway of my house. We lived opposite, so it was really convenient. I sat up in my seat, before remembering that I was no longer in camp, and that things have tremendously changed since I left this house three weeks ago. It was time for me to be strong.
"You coming in?" I asked Ellyn.
She shook her head. "I'd better give you sisters some alone time. But I'll go over for dinner, okay? I'll fix it and bring your luggage over at the same time,"
"Thanks," I gave her a hug. Ellyn was about the best of a best friend you could get. Without her, I would truly be nobody. She always knew the right things to do at the right time.
I sighed as I got out of the car. I walked to the door to find it partially open. Pushing it, I stood as I saw Sarah and Ashley hugging in the kitchen, Sarah with her apron and a pile of dishes on the sink in front of her. Both of them were crying, I knew, and as Sarah saw me she stretched out a hand to invite me into the embrace. I walked over briskly, and the three of us stood there for a long time, teardrops trickling down, cleaning the floor of its sins.
Sarah, Ashley and I. Nothing else seemed to matter. We didn't need words, we didn't need condolences. I felt a little awkward at first in the silence, but I didn't care. I would learn. But for now, being there for them was the most important thing in the world, just like the way it had been 6 years ago. Except that now the innocence had faded into something mature, the caterpillar had transformed and grown to a beautiful butterfly, soaring its wings and flying to a beautiful place where its troubles would be gone for just those few minutes.Sarah Lachey needed me.
It sounded like a weird taste in my mouth at first. I was always the one who needed her. But hey. It was a good start.
