Trust
Thursday, August 03, 2006
♥ Thursday, August 03, 2006
Trust.
It's something that you put into someone when you know that he can be trusted. It's a mutual feeling of respect and faith that he will do you proud, that he will make things alright. The feeling that always tells you that your decision is right, and that he will not fail you. The kind that I've always been longing to have towards some people, who have repeatedly hurt me.
There are visible bruises everywhere on me. But no pain can compare to the one that I have in my heart, where someone has taken away the trust I have put in him and taken it for granted. Sure, it is not your fault, but shouldn't you have done something instead of being a coward and giving up. Yet, you giving up and following the situation isn't the reason why I'm hurt, probably, which doubled my shoulders of burden just for today alone. And today's burdens are not little.
It's the trust I put in you. It's the faith in you that disappointed me, because it turned out that you weren't who I thought you were. I thought you were strong, and you knew how to fight for people who you think deserve it. And I understand you. Because around us are people who are trying to be who they're not, who are being selfish, who don't feel bad about things they should feel bad about.
But they want me to feel bad, isn't it? Not them. I was the one who came between you guys, who came and broke you apart, and left you without a friend. But a real friend is someone who wins or loses with you, together, and not forcing others to follow in what they have planned. He is grown up, so just shut up and let him make his oen decisions, because if not then he will never grow, and he will never learn the ways of life.
But oh. Their insecurities of losing you. I know that feeling. The fact that they are losing you quick, fast, to a bunch of people that they first took on. The fear of losing you to people who you like.
To think that I considered myself selfish in the first place. Selfish for not considering my parents' feelings when I decided to stay. Selfish for running away from the truth and decepting myself in the workload. But I can only hide myself from the people around me, and I cannot hide myself from me. There will be a day when our friendship comes to an end, and when it does, it's probably nobody's fault. The sparks just disappear, into somewhere no one can imagine. The fine line between love and hatred is stretched, and so that's how it goes at the very end.
But now that you've hurt me, it's gonna be time before you win my trust again, and when I do, I hope that you won't break it another time, because I won't be able to take it anymore, and maybe that's when the thread of love and hatred breaks. But maybe then a miracle will happen, and my trust in you will never be gone, because it has never been.
