Thursday, January 11, 2007
♥ Thursday, January 11, 2007
I've never felt like this before.
Things coming back, piecing back the puzzle pieces. Things reminding me of events that happened in the past that I've gotten over but still left holes, scars. They're coming back, altogether, and slowly the pieces are fitting in.
But no matter how many fragments I get back and piece altogether; they'll never be perfect again. Never untouched, never unbrokened. Cracks stay, scars stay, wounds never heal.
I'm having serious mood swing problems, they kill.
One minute i'm lapsing into depression, one minute i laugh just like that nothing's happened, nothing there. One minute I feel like crying my heart out, letting the tears flow down and dry up eventually, as with my sorrows. And another minute i feel as if i'm on top of the world, smiling at people who i want to smile at because i know i love them so.
It's so hard to tell what I'm feeling right now. Melancholic, nostalgia, happiness, joy, depression, humour; they all feel right as if they fit into a huge jigsaw puzzle and each of the pieces have their own significance. Maybe it was the rain. I'm always nostalgic from the rain. Hearing the sound of water pouring, seeing your windows as they are dotted with water droplets, looking out a blur.
I'm starting to doubt if faith, trust and pixie dust really work on me anymore.
These days it seems naive to put your faith in hope, in trust, in honesty, in love, and in pixie dust. Sure, they may seem real on the cartoons, but in real life. Nuh-uh.
I don't know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling. I'm just so confused.
Oh, and I want to smile at some people now I don't get the chance to smile at very often. People like, who are in Australia right now. And of course not forgetting san francisco. Not forgetting crescent. Not forgetting gess. RVPS. I don't know.
I just want to gather all the people I love so dearly and take them into my arms now, and tell them that i love each and everyone of them. Hug them all and never let go. Whisper into their ears and tell them I love them, for a hundredth time.
It wouldn't be too much to ask of you guys, would it?
