Thursday, February 08, 2007
♥ Thursday, February 08, 2007
I love Chocolate.
There are so many things of mine to be loved; my bed, vanilla (my mac), garlic bread (my ipod), julia (my toy piggy, named after my cousin), maya (my husky doll), my phone (i have yet to give it a wacky name) but most of all, I love my guitar.
Not just because of her name, either. It's tempting but I know I don't love her for her name, neither the sound she makes, neither her unsolid top which makes my fourth string break all the time. I just realised how much I love her recently. Like Monday. When Ms Ong asked who wants to get a new one, and my first reaction was, no i'm not selling chocolate for another guitar who hasnt known what im like.
Of course, that new guitar is more expensive, with a solid top and a shiny coat (I think) and is all the way from some europe country or something. It'll be newer, without the cracks on Chocolate like those she has now. It'll probably have a louder and more dynamic and nicer sound than what Chocolate has right now. It will probably be better than Chocolate in every single way. But I know I won't sell Chocolate away.
Because it is that unsolid top, which made me learn that I have to take care of what I love. It is that unshiny coat which says that judging a guitar by its coat is irrational. It is the cracks which show the carelessness on my part, the cracks which show that I learn what I learn, because these cracks were made while I was learning. Learning to love, learning to care. Learning that love comes in many different forms and loving a cracked up old soft unsolid top guitar is perfectly alright.
People find me kind of weird. Because the guitar WAS once alive and now it is NOT alive. But I don't see any difference. They think it's weird that I give names to dead stuff, that I love something that's dead, but the point isn't about it being dead or alive. My love, for Chocolate, is like the love I have for you. I know it won't be reciprocated (well sometimes chocolate plays me a good mozart singing tune) but I go on loving her anyway. It's like you know you won't get anything before you even start but you start anyway and you see through it no matter what. That's what real courage is.
(oh no, that's from tkmb. oh man oh man stupid atticus)
My mom asked me why I love Chocolate so much. That's a good question. I don't know how to answer that. I guess I have no reasons to love, because loving has no reason. That's funny. Guess you could say it's weird. But although it may sound wrong at the start, but after a while you get used to it, and you finally understand what is it with me and loving unalive stuff.
Because at least I get to love.
It is a pain to not love. And it is a pain to love.
Oh gosh I am contradictory. Very contradictory. But it's true. When you're not loving you wish you were loving and when you are you wish you weren't. I never used to believe in romance novels. I don't know what changed my mindset. I guess it was love which fell on me. You never know until you sit in another's skin and walk around in it.
(stupid atticus!)
It is similar with love. And love is similar to loving Chocolate. A lot of people will think that loving a piece of wood, which is what Chocolate is to you, but I call your words crap. Because they don't know yet what it is like to love, because when you love you love with all your heart, and you don't expect anything in return from the love that you give out.
Because that is what love is.
