Sunday, March 25, 2007
♥ Sunday, March 25, 2007
Something I just thought of, something just struck a chord in me suddenly. So I'm writing even though it's 1 in the morning and I'm still sick.
I've always thought I didn't look just on the outside. I've always thought I could look beneath that surface and see what's deeper. I've always thought I could, and I did. I was confident, in that way.
But today I realised something else, it's like my whole perpective of things is changing. When I was walking home from dinner, I was looking at this tree right smack at the entrance of my complex. Which means I should have seen it every single day, as long as I left the house or entered. But I didn't. Or at least, I didn't take much notice. I just thought that it was a tree, with leaves and a trunk.
But this one time I did, and mind you, it was already dark. I looked at it and this thought just struck me, it's like recalling something I knew before.
Inside that tree is life.
Earlier on I've been wanting to find what lives beside my life, what else there is to see, to love, besides what's within my capacity. But why is it that I've never realised that inside every thing, there is life? Why is it that I've been so blind to so many things there, around me all the while? Why is it that I've been so blind to the love and life all around, to all the love and the life everyone's been giving me?
Why is that I haven't learn to appreciate certain things when they're there?
I think I've finally come around. It's this sudden realisation, like this sudden dawning inside me, upon the world. I feel as if the sun's finally risen and set and it will continue to be like that for the rest of my time, besides the occasional hormones relapse. I think I can actually do something to make my life get better, I think I can actually make a difference, if I want to. I think I can actually live through this.
I think it's not that I haven't tried enough. I have, as a matter of fact. I think it's how I look at it. I've tried it before, telling myself that I can do it before I start, but it never seemed to work. And I think I've finally found out why. It's because I never realised that inside everything, there is life. I have to learn to connect with what I'm doing, I have to learn to find the similarities between the task and me, and use that similarity to solve things - Yes, yes, that's how it works!
So many thoughts are running into my brain right now, I just suddenly realised so many, many things, I can't even write it down, I know I won't be coherent.
No, I need to go back to letting the thoughts fill my head, I'm stopping here.
I think I've finally seen the light!
