Wednesday, September 05, 2007
♥ Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I'm feeling - heck, I don't even know what I'm feeling cause all that's bursting into my mind are random thoughts that actually make a lot of sense.
I read somewhere that new tests prove that attitude shifts can no longer be attributed to a woman's period. Apparently through a system of new tests, scientists feel that a drastic shift in hormones should not affect ones emotions.
I thought I agreed.
But on further tests of my own, I find that NO, that's so bloody untrue. I become very very sensitive around the time of mine. Usually I'm not a really hormonic person. It's like the usual oh-no-i'm-feeling-sad-right-now-but-i'll-cheer-up-after-some-ice-cream, and get over it half a minute later.
Yet once a month I get so hypersensitive, even I can’t believe it. I try to do a good job of realizing why I feel so sensitive, and hide it from everyone - so I don't know if anyone has noticed, but these few days are always my own personal hell. For at least 4 days a month, everything that someone does (or doesn't do) makes me think the worst. I get really upset and stupidly upset.
Being separated from the people that I care about the most has made me realize this; honestly I've never noticed it before. I can do fine for 3 full weeks, then BAM I miss them more than I can handle. BAM they didn't say goodbye before they left they must not care anymore. BAM they are growing out of me and I am still hanging on. I HATE these feelings. They make me feel weak and sad and stupid and alone. I want to cry and whine and beg with people to say goodbye but I don't because I realize that I'm just being oversensitive, and that this feeling will pass. (I don't feel this way all the time, because heck, I forget to say goodbye sometimes too). But I'm telling you, if you are not a girl then you have no idea the full wrath of emotion. It hits you like a ton of bricks. And it makes you feel really upset.
To simplify it (because I know that it doesn't really make sense) it's like this: You've been working hard all day, and the only thing that keeps you going is knowing that when you come home you have a great sandwich waiting for you in the fridge. You want that sandwich so bad that you hold off on anything else just for it, and you toil through the whole day thinking and chanting your mantra of 'i want my sandwich i want my sandwich i want my sandwich' but when you get home, it's gone. Somehow, whether some stinky rat ate it, it mysteriously combusted, whatever, it's not there. Well, crap. Nothing else will satisfy like that sandwich would have. That's all you wanted, and now soup seems so unfulfilling. Spaghetti seems like too much trouble. Damn it, all you really wanted was that sandwich. You will grudgingly eat something else, but feel disappointed for a while, then eventually move on. (Don't deny it, I bet ten every girl's experienced it)
Well, really that's how it is. You want one thing, and when you don't get it. You can either make a huge fuss about it (which usually seems stupid to the opposite sex because basically they have NO idea why you're being whiny and not the sexy person they knew from the start) or grudgingly move on without the satisfaction you'd really wanted.
