It goes something like this:

I always thought the person who leaves isn't as strong as the people who watch them leave. But then again now I know how it feels like to leave - walk ahead with your head in the sun, and never look back.

The second hurts far more. Leaving hurts more than being left.

So breaking news, I didn't cry. On the plane. From the early morning to lunch, to going to the airport, all the way on the plane and getting our luggage, it was like a chain of dreams. I kept thoughts out of my head, I was a walking zombie. And then I fell asleep on the way home in the car.

When we got home I went to hold the lift, barely awake, and my dad left an unstable luggage a metre away from me. It fell onto my side, hit me in the back of my knee and as a reflex I fell on the lift floor. I don't know but it was like there was this clot in my brain... that just suddenly cleared and everything came in. It was at that moment that I realised that jess... this is real. It's not a dream. This is gonna be your life, and you chose it so you've to live with it. And then I thought of Singapore.

I thought of the ride to the airport. My last official ride. As Simmy and April and Priya devised ways to meet me at the airport to say goodbye. They couldn't make it so i told them not to come but I love them a lot anyway. And then I thought of tngy and yesterday and how lame she was and I thought of our symboloffriendship and great world city and starbucks and macs. And then I thought of Priscilla and her lame, lame poem.

  If the moon falls down

  And the stars fall down

  And the sun falls down

  And Jessica falls down

  Priscilla will be the ground.

And then I thought of Daniel and Sarah and Jerald and sentosa. I thought of the beach the robber the hotel room and cards the sleeping bags the cake. I thought of lucy and cherntze and kaini and BS. I thought of kris and fran and el and their reactions to the symboloffriendship. I thought of a lot a lot a lot of other people.

I thought of Jess.

And then I started crying.

I love pril simmy priya pris bacon egg el tngy daniel sarah jerald lucy ct kaini jess I love a lot a lot a lot a lot of people.

I miss rgs I miss overloaded homework I miss fierce teachers I miss mrs tan. I miss raffles cheers I miss my classroom I miss my table I miss being able to change in class I miss philo and rs and richard and 204 and 204 and I miss rv and mdm mok and mrs lee and everybody.

I have to stop I'm turning emo!

Daniel you STILL owe me a post and fifteen bucks.