Tuesday, May 06, 2008
♥ Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Mmm, I'm thinking.
A lot of people who shouldn't have died have died.
Two rafflesians, an RVian. Makes me feel a lil queasy.
A senior in JC in the cross team passed away while he was training. He was one of the fastest runners alright. A grade-mate died of leukemia in her sleep, she didn't know she ever had leukemia. An ex-RVian committed suicide by jumping off his apartment window. He was in the class next to mine, years ago. And then there's Babe.
It feels so helpless standing by the side and watching everything go past but having to tie your hands and not reach out and do something, do something to make things better. Do something to save them. I just don't know how, I've let people this close slip away, before even getting to know them as well as I want to. I don't know how I've lived, letting people leave me. And I'm just standing there, still standing there, watching everything go past and not blinking an eye.
It makes me feel like I don't know how to live anymore. I don't understand how people can live thinking how they COULD have helped anyone but DIDN'T, what if someone reached out a hand, what if it had rained so Thaddeus wouldn't run, what if someone stopped him to offer him some food, what if the grade-mate went to the doctor, what if, what if.
But too many what ifs still don't make a yes.
Moral of the story? Don't take each minute for granted. Especially when you've thought about doing anything like dying.
Cause when it's all over, it's not so funny anymore.
